Oh, hello world! It's been forever, hasn't it? Well, hopefully that hiatus will be the last one I take, because I sure miss writing! Life has been crazy and weird around here. All of our friends are pregnant or have newborns, I've been working like crazy with my crazies, and I totaled our 4Runner. Haha, all in a day's work, really. I'm fine--absolutely no injuries--but I am in the market for a new vehicle. Hopefully within the week I'll have a shiny new car.
In infertility news: absolutely nothing has happened--yet! My sweet Josh and I went to the doctor for a second opinion a couple of weeks ago, and we learned that we probably won't be getting the answers we seek. That was a bummer, to put it lightly. To put it heavily, I might have cried into a cheeseburger and embarrassed myself in a restaurant. Infertility will make you do that sometimes.
We are three years in. Three years of infertility is so so hard. And going in to see a specialist, hoping for more answers and then being told that you may never get any is its own kind of heartbreaking. And so, in typical Moody fashion of taking our time, three years later we're finally making some grown up decisions. This next month, we're going to do our first round of intrauterine insemination. Intrauterine insemination (or what we infertile couples call it, IUI) is intimidating because I feel like I'm admitting that I really can't do this--that I really do need help. And I don't want help. I want to be able to do this with just my husband and me, the way it's supposed to work. But without any more conclusive answers, this is the next step. And I want a baby! So that's that. It was IUI or a laparoscopy to decide if I have endometriosis, and I opted for this one first. We'll get to the laparoscopy later if it's needed, but hopefully it won't be.
What is IUI, you ask? Well, let me break it down for you. Here's how the procedure will work for us:
Cycle days 3-7: I take Femara. Yup, no more Clomid for this girl. I had some uncomfortable side effects from Clomid and would rather not go back on it if possible. Femara is very similar but hadn't been around for quite as long as Clomid. It's not supposed to have as bad of side effects though, so that's a plus!
Cycle day 12: I go back in for an ultrasound. Anyone want to just write my clinic a check for $250? Because for the 5 minute long probe session, I really feel like the clinic should be paying ME! Anyway, they're going to check my eggs and all that yadda yadda, just like they did while adjusting my Clomid dosage last year.
Cycle day 13-ish: I get to have a shot! This shot will force my body to ovulate within 48 hours. Sounds like a party, right?
Cycle day 14: Josh will deposit semen at the clinic where they'll "wash" it (meaning they separate the sperm from the proteins surrounding it) and then deposit it directly into my uterus via a catheter. Not the most romantic way to do it, but I've tried the romantic way long enough. Obviously that doesn't work for us.
Cycle day 15-?: wait. Maybe tests to find out if it took? Probably just wait. And overanalyze everything. ;)
Fun facts:
1. We will be using Josh's sperm. This child still be biologically be both his and mine, if I conceive.
2. The trigger shot to make me ovulate also causes my body to produce more progesterone. So if that's our big issue, it should be helped with the shot!
3. I won't know right away if this worked. Just like every other month, I'll be waiting to find out, just like everyone else. And when I do find out, please be considerate and let me elaborate when I'm ready. It's all right to ask, but if I'm vague, it's probably on purpose and I don't want to talk about it right then.
4. Twins are a very real possibility with this.
5. There's only about a 10% success rate of IUI working at this clinic. I may be a lucky one, but I may not. Please don't tell me you "know this will work." I love your enthusiasm, but no one really knows.
6. If you're the praying type, we would love to have a prayer said for us. If you're a temple goer and have a chance to add us to the prayer role there, we'd really appreciate it. Not the praying type? We always accept good vibes. Keep 'em coming, please!
Anyway, this is really happening! I'm stressed and heartbroken and worried and scared, but mostly I'm open and hopeful. I'm receptive to the fact that this may work, and I'm accepting of the idea that it may not. I'm trying to focus on the positive, and I'm hoping that with all of our family and friends praying for us, maybe we'll get our own miracle. A girl can dream, right?
-B
