Rest in Peace, Sweet Friend

When I moved in December, it was really hard on me. I'm now located almost an hour from my closest family member, I don't have money to do the things I like to do, and I've felt isolated and alone. It has also been a huge adjustment to move from the big city where I've been for the past eight years and go back to a small town.

Shortly after our move, I befriended the wives of a few of my husband's co-workers. These ladies were really nice to me, but they tended to gossip about pretty much everyone else. There was another co-worker's wife who I was explicitly told not to befriend because she was "creepy" and a "stalker." Well, what can I say? I'm a rebel.

A few weeks or months later (time kind of blurs when you're an adult), this "creepy" lady came to a girls' night out that I attended with some of the ladies in the town. And you know what? She was the friendliest out of all of the ladies there. She and I talked almost the whole time about all different kinds of things, and I really felt like we had a good relationship growing. We didn't exchange phone numbers, but I found her on Facebook not too long after, and I continued to be fond of her. She talked about more than the goings on of people in town. We talked about our pasts and how we both grew up in small towns, and how we've both adapted to being police officers' wives. We talked about hopes and dreams and the future. That night, I left with the distinct impression that I really liked this girl and that, against advice, we were going to be friends.

In April, I graduated college, and this girl sent me a sweet Facebook message congratulating me and saying that we really needed to go out some night to celebrate. I readily agreed, but we never got around to it. Life, as always, got in the way. Sometimes I wish it would just move over and let me actually live.

A few weeks ago, my mother was visiting and we went to watch my friend and her husband go skydiving. This was her husband's passion, and my friend had picked it up not too long before. She had quickly fallen in love with it, and she was training to jump on her own. I've always been too chicken to jump myself, but I thought my friend was so brave for learning how. My friend invited me to go hiking this summer with her and her adorable little boys. I love hiking, and I agreed that we should go. I really wish we had.

Yesterday, that beautiful, sweet, friendly girl passed away while skydiving with her husband. The more I learn about the accident, the worse it makes me feel. I wish we had gotten to do more together while my friend was here. I loved her genuine personality so much. I appreciated how friendly she was and how she always made me feel comfortable around her. I feel so sad for her family members left behind. I can't imagine what they're going through right now.

But you know what I don't feel bad about? I will never regret being friendly to that girl. I will never feel guilty for speaking too highly of her. I will never feel bad that I reached out and made a friend out of her. I wish we could have gotten to know each other better, but she was one of my favorite people here in my new town, and I'm really going to miss her. And I'm glad that I reached out and didn't listen when people told me not to be her friend. Because kindness always matters.

Friends, I know that there are people you're told not to like. I know that your "friends" have reasons to bully and talk badly about others. But if you're a leader and you make a friend out of that "creepy" girl who really isn't creepy at all, you'll never regret it. You never know what's going to happen to your friends or loved ones, so you might as well make the most of the time you have together. Reach out and be a friend to the ostracized. Be a companion to the lonely. Smile at the stranger. I have many things in my life that I regret, but one thing I never will is being kind to that sweet, smiling girl. Rest in peace, sweet friend.

How to Snag Mr. Right

Today for my May Challenge over at Story of My Life I'm going to teach you how to do something I'm good at. And, quite frankly, I think I'm pretty decent at finding a good husband. That's right! Today I'm going to let you in on the secret of how to find and marry Mr. Right. Single ladies everywhere, listen up! This post is for you.

1. Invest in yourself. True story. Graduate high school. Go to college. Figure out your spiritual beliefs. Get a gym membership. Develop interests and hobbies. Whether you love scrap booking, rock climbing, salsa dancing, or watching sci fi movies, let yourself do it and love it. And don't just have one hobby--have several that you genuinely enjoy. Learn about your hobbies. Commit to them. That way, when you go out and have a hard time striking up a conversation, you can impress your date with your computer hacking abilities or interesting facts about J. R. R. Tolkien. You can discuss that biology course you took two semesters ago or question those Nietzsche readings you had last week. Remember that Eleanor Roosevelt said: "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." Keep this in mind so that you can find your intellectual equal in a man. And keep that gym membership for when you need to work off your frustrations with males in the dating world.

2. Travel. I could go on for days about how awesome traveling is for every aspect of your life, but let's keep this relationship-based. When you travel, you develop a bigger sense of "normal." You understand that the Chinese food in America is completely different from the Chinese food in China. You know that racism can happen to any ethnicity and that there are ten times as many great people in the world as there are not-so-great people. You realize what's most important is the experience and that all you need for a month (or more) can totally fit into a suitcase. Travel gives you an open mind, a broader sense of culture, and a greater acceptance of new things. This can be intimidating to some guys, but you don't want to attract those ones anyway. Whether you keep your journeys stateside or you venture off into some unknown territory, make sure you travel.

3. Make a 5 year plan (that doesn't involve him). This might sound mean, but even if you're already dating someone, you should have a backup plan (that doesn't involve another guy). Your plan should be completely independent of your dating life. Whether you want to land your dream job, buy a house, or just survive college, you should have a plan for your future. Not only do guys love confident women who know what they want, but your future self will thank you for having a plan if Prince Charming doesn't show up during that time. Stock up your bank account for your big trip. Build up your credit for a new car. Get out of debt. Whatever you do, have a plan for your future.

4. Be social. Whether it's with a Bunco group, the girls from your book club, or a group of co-eds from your building, get out. Whether you're camping for the weekend, out to lunch with the ladies, or playing volleyball outside of your apartment building, go do it. You will have great experiences making friends and fun stories to tell while on your next date. You may meet your dreamboat while out, or you might just have a great time, but either way it's win-win. Don't neglect these friends who you meet during this time. These friends may last the rest of your life, so invest in them!

5. Go out with that guy. You know. The obnoxious guy from the back of the classroom who kind of makes you crazy. The one from your apartment building whom you seriously clash with. When he finally asks you out on the last day that he possibly can, say yes. You might be completely surprised by how sweet he is in a different setting. Your heart may melt at the way he interacts with your parents. If he makes you feel bad in any way, cut him loose. But at least give him a shot. He may be the one. And, in my opinion, any guy with the cajones to ask deserves a chance.

Remember, it's way easier to just marry ANY guy than to marry the RIGHT guy. It's easier to find a guy to marry than it is to find the man who will still make you see fireworks ten years later. Be patient. You want to marry a man who brings out your best self and who loves you just as you are. Never settle for someone who demeans you or makes you feel bad about yourself. Don't go with the loser who cheats on you or the guy who thinks it's funny to hurt you or overpower you. If NOBODY settled for those guys, maybe they would get the point that their behaviors are NEVER acceptable for ANYONE. You are an interesting, intelligent person who deserves a man who makes her feel like a princess. It's entirely possible that these suggestions won't make your one true love appear out of nowhere, but at least you'll have fun in the meantime. Remember that's what life's about.