In three weeks, Joshy and I will be getting sealed in the Bountiful Temple. We've been married for two years, and we started dating almost three years ago... I am so excited and apprehensive about going to the temple, and I'm worried that I'm not able to give it as much thought as I would like to, since it's the end of the semester, and my 18 credits are giving me my money's worth of work right now. Between working at the preschool and school and homework, I am also planning my best friend Nina's baby shower and I'm trying to make time for my older sister Trudi as she is preparing for her wedding. I'm also trying to somehow fill my callings at church and keep up with my active puppy. I'm swamped, and I just wish I could have a few minutes to breathe and contemplate the huge commitment I am about to undertake. Plus, right now Josh is in training at Camp Williams, and I can sporadically see him when he doesn't have to be back super early in the morning. The next three weeks are all ready kicking my butt.
On another note, I can't believe it, but Josh is deploying way too soon. It is right around the corner, and the closer it sneaks up on me, the more terrified I become. I am not allowed to give out real dates, but let's just say it is happening.
I try to be okay with it and look at the bright side. I try to think about Hawaii and how much fun it will be.
I try not to think about the fact that I might lose him.
I try not to think about the time I'm going to have to pass without him.
I try not to be resentful that I have to put my life on hold for a year while all of my friends and family continue to progress with their lives.
I try to do those things, but right now I am failing miserably.
People tell you that nobody knows what it's like to have a deployed spouse until they have had a deployed spouse. People all think they know, because their husband has been away on business or is a workaholic or has other priorities than his home and family, but they don't understand the stress you feel when you know your husband is going to be in a position where there is a huge chance that he might die. They don't get it that you have no control over when you get to see him or even talk to him. I'm glad it's still a little way out, but it's hard to forget about it until then. I just wish I had more friends who knew what I'm going through right now. I read all of the magazines and try to take all of the advice I can get, but I am such a nervous wreck right now. I have no idea what to expect, and I'm just as worried about Josh as I am about myself.
Well, let's take a deep breath and get back to homework. Thank you for listening.
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