Today was a crazy day. I thought that Josh had a doctor's appointment this morning to figure out if his swimmers were swimming straight, so we were up and out the door by 8:00 AM (which is a pretty big deal when you're not used to getting up until around 9). Even though the appointment was supposed to be brief and just for Josh, I made sure I went with him for support. When I showed up, we checked in and sat in the waiting room. We were at a reproductive health clinic, and the news playing on the television was of a baby who had survived being flushed down the toilet in China... I definitely felt like they should have had some other news on, just because I felt so much anger and sadness over the story. (I mean, come on! If you don't want your perfectly healthy baby, just give him to me, how about?!) Anyway, we were called back quickly, and I was glad to get away from that sad story.
Then came the funny part. I learned that this appointment was actually for me. I thought we were just meeting for a quick appointment for Josh, and I didn't even have time to get nervous or anything. Josh and I answered lots of health questions, and I really liked the nurse who helped us. She was young and very friendly, and I felt comfortable with her right away. When the doctor arrived, we answered some more questions and found out that today was the perfect day of my cycle to have an ultrasound and see if I had any cysts. That was actually really exciting for me. I've never had an ultrasound before, and I was hoping that a glance at my insides would give me some answers and hope.
It's funny--even though I knew with complete certainty that I was not pregnant, I still hoped to see a little something swimming around in my uterus. Sadly (but obviously), that wasn't the case. We were able to see that my uterus is retroflexed (which I already knew from previous pap smears) and that I have a uterus and two ovaries. We looked at my ovaries to see how big they were and were able to count lots of healthy-looking eggs in both of them. That was seriously the coolest thing ever. I have been failing to get pregnant for such a long time (about 26 months) that it was good to see and know that I do have healthy body parts that are capable of working together to build my family. It gave me so much hope, just seeing my eggs and thinking that one day one of those little things is going to be my baby. I almost cried, but then I felt dumb and didn't. I mean, I'm not even pregnant. I felt like it would be silly to cry about seeing the earliest photos of my zygotes that may, one day, turn into my children. It's just .... weird.
After my emotional ultrasound, I got dressed again, and the doctor gave me some interesting news. Apparently one of my tests from last week was abnormal. My doctor from last week had promised she'd call and tell me herself if any of my blood tests weren't normal, but she hadn't. So I found out today instead. That kind of threw me for a loop. Apparently my thyroid levels were abnormal. The doctor explained that it's an autoimmune disorder and that my body is attacking my thyroid, causing it to be in the early stages of shutting down. I won't lie--I was a little freaked out about that, but suddenly it all made sense: the endless exhaustion, the ongoing depression, the weight gain, and maybe the infertility? Suddenly, instead of feeling bummed out about my failing thyroid, I felt empowered and validated that there was proof of why I've been feeling crappy for such a long time. There was a physical reason that we could pinpoint explaining why I feel the way I do. That was kind of awesome.
After the appointment, I made another appointment for next week to have a sonohysterogram, to check my fallopian tubes and make sure my eggs are getting from point A to point B. I'm a little nervous about that, but mostly because Josh won't be able to come to that one with me. We also scheduled a time for Josh to really go in and get a reading on his sperm count. The hospital we go to is actually funding a study right now, so his testing will be totally free. Josh is hoping that we'll find his testosterone levels are low so that he'll be able to go on a prescribed hormone stimulator. He had blood tests today to figure that out, so we should know soon if that's a factor.
Anyway, sorry if this is a boring post. I feel like today was really exciting because we are finally getting some answers. I'm starting on a high dosage of Levothyroxine Sodium tomorrow morning, and I should start feeling much better in a few weeks. I'm really hoping that adjusting my hormone levels will get me pregnant quickly, but even if I just stop feeling exhausted and depressed, that would be a great start for me. This was only my second doctor's appointment for fertility, and I'm already feeling more peace of mind than I've felt in the last two years. We are finally doing something about our infertility, and it feels so so good.
Then came the funny part. I learned that this appointment was actually for me. I thought we were just meeting for a quick appointment for Josh, and I didn't even have time to get nervous or anything. Josh and I answered lots of health questions, and I really liked the nurse who helped us. She was young and very friendly, and I felt comfortable with her right away. When the doctor arrived, we answered some more questions and found out that today was the perfect day of my cycle to have an ultrasound and see if I had any cysts. That was actually really exciting for me. I've never had an ultrasound before, and I was hoping that a glance at my insides would give me some answers and hope.
It's funny--even though I knew with complete certainty that I was not pregnant, I still hoped to see a little something swimming around in my uterus. Sadly (but obviously), that wasn't the case. We were able to see that my uterus is retroflexed (which I already knew from previous pap smears) and that I have a uterus and two ovaries. We looked at my ovaries to see how big they were and were able to count lots of healthy-looking eggs in both of them. That was seriously the coolest thing ever. I have been failing to get pregnant for such a long time (about 26 months) that it was good to see and know that I do have healthy body parts that are capable of working together to build my family. It gave me so much hope, just seeing my eggs and thinking that one day one of those little things is going to be my baby. I almost cried, but then I felt dumb and didn't. I mean, I'm not even pregnant. I felt like it would be silly to cry about seeing the earliest photos of my zygotes that may, one day, turn into my children. It's just .... weird.
After my emotional ultrasound, I got dressed again, and the doctor gave me some interesting news. Apparently one of my tests from last week was abnormal. My doctor from last week had promised she'd call and tell me herself if any of my blood tests weren't normal, but she hadn't. So I found out today instead. That kind of threw me for a loop. Apparently my thyroid levels were abnormal. The doctor explained that it's an autoimmune disorder and that my body is attacking my thyroid, causing it to be in the early stages of shutting down. I won't lie--I was a little freaked out about that, but suddenly it all made sense: the endless exhaustion, the ongoing depression, the weight gain, and maybe the infertility? Suddenly, instead of feeling bummed out about my failing thyroid, I felt empowered and validated that there was proof of why I've been feeling crappy for such a long time. There was a physical reason that we could pinpoint explaining why I feel the way I do. That was kind of awesome.
After the appointment, I made another appointment for next week to have a sonohysterogram, to check my fallopian tubes and make sure my eggs are getting from point A to point B. I'm a little nervous about that, but mostly because Josh won't be able to come to that one with me. We also scheduled a time for Josh to really go in and get a reading on his sperm count. The hospital we go to is actually funding a study right now, so his testing will be totally free. Josh is hoping that we'll find his testosterone levels are low so that he'll be able to go on a prescribed hormone stimulator. He had blood tests today to figure that out, so we should know soon if that's a factor.
Anyway, sorry if this is a boring post. I feel like today was really exciting because we are finally getting some answers. I'm starting on a high dosage of Levothyroxine Sodium tomorrow morning, and I should start feeling much better in a few weeks. I'm really hoping that adjusting my hormone levels will get me pregnant quickly, but even if I just stop feeling exhausted and depressed, that would be a great start for me. This was only my second doctor's appointment for fertility, and I'm already feeling more peace of mind than I've felt in the last two years. We are finally doing something about our infertility, and it feels so so good.
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