Graduation

In just less than one month, I'm finally going to be attending my graduation ceremony. From college. I'm still struggling to get used to this idea--the idea that I finally have proof that I am intelligent. The idea that I made the education system work for me. The idea that I worked hard enough--was good enough--to earn a diploma. I'm still having a hard time getting this to sink in. Now, don't get me wrong--I know that you don't need a diploma to be intelligent. I hardly know any people who graduated college, and most of them are successful, and some of them are even intelligent. :) But I've always needed this for me.

I didn't attend my high school graduation. I had no ties to Provo high, where I graduated, and I barely knew any of the other students because I'd only attended school there for one year of mainstream classes and one year of college courses. I didn't feel the need to stand with a group of strangers to celebrate something that I felt was so mediocre. I never really looked at high school graduation as a big deal to be celebrated, but more as an expectation to get through life successfully. But, to me, college feels like so much of a bigger deal.

My family is not made up of collegiate-types. My parents both graduated high school, but neither of them chose to make college a priority. My dad attended a trade school for his job, and my mom stayed home to raise kids (which I completely understand and condone). So far, none of my siblings have chosen to take the college route, but they have all ended up successfully doing things that they love anyway. I always knew that I wanted to write, but I've been too timid to rely solely on my writing to make my way through life. I needed some kind of a backup plan.

When most people make backup plans, they choose something safe. With majoring in English, I could have chosen from a variety of "safe" majors, like education, creative writing, writing studies, or technical writing, and instead, I chose literature. As I'm quickly approaching graduation, I'm starting to realize that my justification of wanting to learn to write from the greats may not have been the most practical usage of my college experience. Oops. So much for feeling like a smarty pants. I've gained so many skills from my college years that I don't even think the major really matters as much as the fact that I'm finishing what I started almost seven years ago, during high school. Whether this major is relevant matters far less than the fact that investing in my education has been the most rewarding, adult decision of my life.

With my graduation so quickly approaching, I'm suddenly nostalgic, remembering all of my memories at UVU. Joshua and I met during my first semester on campus, both of us dating other people and paying little attention to each other until we were appropriately single during finals week. And suddenly, without warning, it was love. Inseparable, constant, love. Without UVU, my life would be so different right now. Without my college experience, I might have never figured out my niche in life. I may have never met Josh and have had the experiences and perspective that the past five years have given me. And this leads me to some awkward questions that maybe every 24-year-old must ask herself. Am I really ready to be a grown up? Am I really ready for it to end? Am I crazy to want to get paid to travel and write about my adventures? What now?

I'm excited about my graduation, but I'm scared about what's next. There are so many possibilities ahead, which means there are big decisions. And, as you may know about me, too many choices can easily overwhelm me. More than anything else, I'm excited to see me a year from now, ten years from now, and twenty years from now to see how everything works out. Will I ever have my dream job? Will I EVER figure out why I'm not getting pregnant month after month? Where will I end up, and what will I be doing?

Stay tuned, folks. Things are about to get exciting.

Remembering the Heart behind the Badge

To the cop haters of the world, those who bash on police officers every chance they get, those who wish them ill every time they see those flashing red and blue lights, I have something to say to you.

Sometimes officers pull people over for seemingly silly things: mudflap violations, rolling a stop sign, license plate light being out, etc. I'm sure everyone has had an experience when they were pulled over that they felt was unfair. Even I have stories of times when I was pulled over or ticketed when I didn't think I should have been. It's one of those common, linking, human experiences. Kind of like the common sense of dread we feel when those lights flash behind us while we are driving. Everybody hates it because no one likes to be told they're doing something wrong.

I get that. But what I don't get is the senseless cop bashing that so many sheeple are involved in. I believe in knowing your rights as a citizen. I get it. I understand questioning the system and society and trying to create your own path in life. Never question that. That IS my life. But I can't think of many ways to look less educated than to openly hate cops with every fiber of your being. Calling them pigs every time you deal with them is disrespectful. Being rude and snappy with them is not polite. And screaming at them about how your temple recommend is a perfectly fine and valid ID card is just dumb.

Because here's the thing.

Cops aren't just cops. They are people too. They go home and have lives outside of issuing citations. They do other things. Josh, for example, is in the Army in addition to being a police officer. He has served in Bulgaria, Azerbaijan, Japan, Kuwait, Iraq, and too many other places to keep track. He's also an avid motorcyclist. We love few things more than packing up our overnight bags and hitting the road on our BMW 1150 GS. He's also a husband. He has to come home after every shift and figure out regular husband stuff like how to pay bills on no money and other basic human tasks. He has to work hard to make me happy some days. And he stresses about work, just like anybody else.

And here's what really stinks. People hate him for doing his job. In reality, if people understood why he does some of the things he does, maybe they wouldn't be so quick to hate. So let's talk about it for a minute.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to go on a ride along and hang out with my husband for his shift. There was a missing girl who we looked for for most of the shift, so we IDed occupants of suspicious vehicles and looked for her known friends. When we stopped vehicles to ID the occupants, it wasn't because we were trying to be jerks--it was because there was a missing teenager who needed to be found and taken home so nothing awful would happen to her. Because that crap happens. You see and know that when you're involved in the police work behind the scenes. But you can't just pull over a car and ask for ID most of the time. So we had to find little violations (also known as probable cause) to pull these people over. Were we giving out tickets? No, because our intention was to find the girl. We didn't care about their burnt out lights. We cared about locating the teen. Sometimes are dumb tickets given out? Absolutely. Especially if your cop hating attitude is showing. If you're rude and hateful towards cops (just like anyone) they will often give you the same amount of respect.

Basically, I just want to bring humanity back into how we treat our law enforcement officers. I think sometimes we just see the uniform and forget about the person underneath. I'm at the point where I'm convinced that our society will crumble because we forget how to be decent human beings to one another. Be a decent person and remember that those men and women driving around town are the same people who will respond when your baby isn't breathing in the middle of the night. They're the same people who will pull you out of a wrecked vehicle and let you sit, soaking wet, in their vehicles so you don't freeze. They're the ones who respond to those hoodlums vandalizing your neighborhood and make sure your stolen property is returned. They make sure that meth house on your block gets shut down so your house doesn't blow up one day. They help your lost children return to you again. These are the people who will do everything in their power to resuscitate your loved ones and then turn around and comfort you when there's nothing else to be done. They deal with the ugliest parts of society so that you don't have to. They are the thin blue line protecting the good, innocent people in this world from the wolves, the demons, the lowest ranking members of society. They will not hesitate to protect you from all of the evils in this world. They will give their lives for you, without hesitation.


 Yes, police officers are paid to do these duties, but not enough. What you may not realize is that many of them earn less in an entire year's worth of work than many teachers earn in the nine months that they teach. And we all know that teachers are generally on the low end of the totem pole of income in this society. Yet law enforcement officers gladly perform these duties because they love their jobs, and they somehow make it work so they can afford to be paid so measly for a job that is so important.

So maybe next time you see a cop, you could wave and say hi. Or you could be friendly and have a good attitude, remembering that they are sons and daughters, husbands and wives, grandparents, people with hearts and feelings. Do I love all cops? I don't know all of them, so probably not. It would be ignorant to say that they're all flawless, just like it's ignorant to say that they're all pigs. But I sure do love my cop. And I pray every day that the rest of the world will too. So next time those flashing lights light up the back of your car, take a deep breath before you open your mouth and try to remember the heart behind the badge.

Cancer Sucks

I'm writing this post with a heavy heart today. I know it's cliche, but it's true that you shouldn't be jealous of people because you have no idea what they're going through behind the scenes. I feel like I got a reality check big time today.

I've always been kind of jealous of one of my cousins. Haha, well, okay, several of my cousins. But one of my cousins has just always seemed really together. She was raised LDS and has always seemed to be doing the right things, and when she got married and pregnant, I was jealous about how easily it seemed to come to her. Not only does she have the whole family life down, but she had the chance to travel lots before marriage (which is still something I wish I got to do more). This cousin helped me out a lot when I was planning on going to Hawaii for my first time, and I loved all of the advice she had for me. She also helped put all of my wedding together.

Today, I found out that that same sweet cousin has been battling cancer. She announced on our family Facebook page today that she has been given about one more year with her husband and baby daughter. She is only expected to be on this earth for one more year with her family and friends, one more year to learn and laugh and love. By that point, the doctors expect the cancer to have taken over. And it makes me feel so unbelievably sad.

I haven't lost many people who have been close to me in my life. On Veteran's Day of 2011, my grandpa passed away, and in February of 2012 I also lost my granddad. But when an older person passes away, I guess I feel like they've lived a full life. They've had a chance to watch their children grow up. They've had a chance to follow their dreams and have mid-life crises and do all of the things they've wanted to do. But when someone young doesn't get the opportunity to live out his/her life, it's a tragedy.

I can't help but feel helpless now. How can anyone help, in a situation like this? What can be done? I want to do something, but I don't know what would help. I guess what I really want to say today is that I feel so bad that I was ever jealous. She's been battling something so hard, and I've been sitting here thinking she has life so easy. We really never know what people are going through until they tell us. We have no insight into their lives until they choose to give us a peek. I'm going to try not to jump to conclusions about how easy people must have it anymore. I never should have done that at all. If we all resolved to do that, couldn't we make this world a better place? Just a thought.

My cousin still has time on this earth, and I hope I get a chance to let her know how much I love her and value her friendship. It's hard to know what else to say. Maybe there's nothing else to say, except cancer sucks.

Growing a Successful Marriage

Weddings are beautiful traditions. I love the coming together of two people for one purpose. I love the lifetime of promises that are shared in a few simple moments together. Ever since I got married, I've cried at weddings because I think of how much I love my husband, how our wedding day was, and how much better our relationship has gotten over the years. When the say "the first year's the hardest" I don't think they always mean that the first year has to be hard. I think they (whoever they are anyway) mean that it keeps getting better.

It really blows my mind when I think about the fact that four years ago, I was a newlywed. Four years ago, I barely knew my husband at all. Maybe that's because we only dated for a short time before marriage, or maybe it's because when you live with someone for a few years, you learn a thing or two about them. Either way, it was just four short years ago that we got hitched and started our life together.

Our marriage has been a constant time of learning for both of us. We have had to set our pride aside on a number of occasions and bite our tongues many times to keep from saying hurtful things. We forgive on a daily basis, almost immediately, when we say and do hurtful things. We have compromised and adapted to be better for each other and to be better for ourselves. And that's what marriage is about. Because you're living with this other person, and you both need to learn how to be together.


Being married to my husband has felt like a constant battle at times. I sometimes refer to the Army as his "other wife" because she has taken him away so often. The deployment especially separated us so far physically that it could have been easy to slip away emotionally, too. While Josh is now working as a police officer full time, his schedule often takes him away for what seems like days at a time while I patiently wait for him to return. My jobs have also caused me to work many strange hours--sometimes placing us on completely opposite schedules for months at a time. And then there are the "others" who do everything they can to break us up. These "others" are women and men doing what they can to have us leave each other and abandon all our promises. They work around the clock to tempt us into indulgence with them. Sometimes I feel like these people must simply be evil because I can't think of any other explanation as to why someone would try to split up a marriage, a family, and a life all for the sake of personal gain. That's the opposite of what marriage is to me.

Through all of these struggles, I've learned something. When you've set up a firm enough foundation in your relationship, you have nothing to worry about. Does that mean that it's your fault for not doing enough if your spouse decides to cheat on you or leave you? Absolutely not. But think back to the beginning when you loved passionately enough to get married and plan a life together. Were there things you did then that you don't do now? Are there things you miss about each other that you are no longer getting? Because if the answer is yes, then those are things that can be fixed if you are willing to work together. And if you really want your relationship to last, then you will put in the work that is needed to make it better.

Marriage is a lot of work. I am constantly trying to make sure I'm doing the best job I can as a wife. And I know that (whether he likes it or not) my husband is also changing into a more considerate, conscientious person. I really think that's what it takes to make your marriage work: a mutual, constant, active care for your spouse's well-being. If you've got that part covered, you're set up for success.

What do you think? What's made your marriage work? Do you feel like active care is what makes a marriage successful? Let me know what you think!

Why Disney Promotes Unrealistic Expectations for Girls

I'm angry.

I've been watching Disney movies more than usual lately. I'm not really sure why, but probably because they're all over Netflix right now and I'm feeling nostalgic. It's smart marketing to appeal to children and then later appeal to adults, but that's not the point. (Deep breath.)

The point is, I want to have daughters who are intelligent. I want daughters who are clever and witty and smart enough to understand the relationships between actions and reactions. And, quite frankly, Disney does not promote understanding the correlation. At least, for girls. I'm glad that I (somehow) turned out okay despite this. But I still can't help but feel like I've been taken for a ride.

While I'm sure I'm not the first person to point this out, I want to add that I love Disney movies. I grew up with them as a child, and I still love many of their movies to this day. But I can't help but wonder how differently more susceptible children may have fared had they not watched these movies on a regular basis. Let's quit being wordy and get to the point: kids are naive, which makes them easily manipulated. They believe what they see because they don't know better. To illustrate my issue perfectly, let's discuss one of my favorite Disney movies of all time: "The Little Mermaid."

In this movie, the leading lady Ariel falls in love with a human prince. Because she is a mermaid, she understands that her relationship with him would be tricky, which is quickly further compounded by her father's reactionary, irrational parenting. Ariel decides to act out and turns to the "sea witch" Ursula, who promises Ariel that she can stay human permanently if she can get the prince to fall in love with her in three days. The only thing Ariel has to do is figure out how to do that without her voice. While Ariel nearly completes her task (after being sabotaged by Ursula herself), she ultimately fails. And this is my whole problem with the setup of these movies. Because Ariel doesn't end up having to deal with the consequence of her actions--at least, not really. Because when push comes to shove, Ariel's father, King Triton, insists on bailing her out. Ariel was supposed to become one of Ursula's "poor, unfortunate souls" for her garden. When Triton sees Ariel turning into a seaweed creature, first he tries to destroy the contract that Ariel signed. Once he realizes that won't work, he signs over the contract to take her place. This king is willing to put his entire kingdom at stake--into the hands of the outcast sea witch--in order to free his rebellious sixteen year old daughter. Ariel and her prince end up killing Ursula in order to reset the ocean, but that just leaves Ariel at square one again, being away from her prince. But because King Triton has had a change of heart, he then allows his impulsive teenage daughter to marry this man she's spent three days with, leaving her entire underwater life behind. Moral of the story? If you find someone you're attracted to and you run away from home, if you kill the person who your contract is with, you can get out of it and still end up with the man of your dreams....

Maybe I'm reading into this too much. Or maybe not all Disney leading ladies share these same attributes. But some of them do. In Ariel's case, the sea kingdom ended up a better place, but only because she committed murder. And how did she even know that would work, anyway? I like the way women are portrayed in the movie "Mulan" better. At least her rebellion was so that she could save her father from having to serve in the military in his old, decrepit age. And she saves China too. NBD. Although, to be fair, if she were to be punished for her actions, she would have been executed. Belle from "Beauty and the Beast" also takes the place of her father so that he is not subjected to a cold prison by an enchanted beast. Yes, she happens to find love there (don't get me started on the dynamics of that relationship), but her intentions are to save her father. If she had really had to suffer the consequences of that decision, she probably would have just lived out her days with a horrible beast, not one who wanted to wine and dine her. UNREALISTIC!

Anyway, it's late, and I've been rambling, I guess. My moral of the story is: don't act without realizing there will be reactions. There always are. Life isn't like a Disney movie where someone will always bail you out. Sometimes they will. But usually, they won't. And that's why I'm frustrated with the Disney movies of my childhood. They set up unrealistic expectations for the masses. I've always been fairly logical, so I haven't been disappointed with life yet, but I pity those girls whose hopes were riding on that prince.