Graduation

In just less than one month, I'm finally going to be attending my graduation ceremony. From college. I'm still struggling to get used to this idea--the idea that I finally have proof that I am intelligent. The idea that I made the education system work for me. The idea that I worked hard enough--was good enough--to earn a diploma. I'm still having a hard time getting this to sink in. Now, don't get me wrong--I know that you don't need a diploma to be intelligent. I hardly know any people who graduated college, and most of them are successful, and some of them are even intelligent. :) But I've always needed this for me.

I didn't attend my high school graduation. I had no ties to Provo high, where I graduated, and I barely knew any of the other students because I'd only attended school there for one year of mainstream classes and one year of college courses. I didn't feel the need to stand with a group of strangers to celebrate something that I felt was so mediocre. I never really looked at high school graduation as a big deal to be celebrated, but more as an expectation to get through life successfully. But, to me, college feels like so much of a bigger deal.

My family is not made up of collegiate-types. My parents both graduated high school, but neither of them chose to make college a priority. My dad attended a trade school for his job, and my mom stayed home to raise kids (which I completely understand and condone). So far, none of my siblings have chosen to take the college route, but they have all ended up successfully doing things that they love anyway. I always knew that I wanted to write, but I've been too timid to rely solely on my writing to make my way through life. I needed some kind of a backup plan.

When most people make backup plans, they choose something safe. With majoring in English, I could have chosen from a variety of "safe" majors, like education, creative writing, writing studies, or technical writing, and instead, I chose literature. As I'm quickly approaching graduation, I'm starting to realize that my justification of wanting to learn to write from the greats may not have been the most practical usage of my college experience. Oops. So much for feeling like a smarty pants. I've gained so many skills from my college years that I don't even think the major really matters as much as the fact that I'm finishing what I started almost seven years ago, during high school. Whether this major is relevant matters far less than the fact that investing in my education has been the most rewarding, adult decision of my life.

With my graduation so quickly approaching, I'm suddenly nostalgic, remembering all of my memories at UVU. Joshua and I met during my first semester on campus, both of us dating other people and paying little attention to each other until we were appropriately single during finals week. And suddenly, without warning, it was love. Inseparable, constant, love. Without UVU, my life would be so different right now. Without my college experience, I might have never figured out my niche in life. I may have never met Josh and have had the experiences and perspective that the past five years have given me. And this leads me to some awkward questions that maybe every 24-year-old must ask herself. Am I really ready to be a grown up? Am I really ready for it to end? Am I crazy to want to get paid to travel and write about my adventures? What now?

I'm excited about my graduation, but I'm scared about what's next. There are so many possibilities ahead, which means there are big decisions. And, as you may know about me, too many choices can easily overwhelm me. More than anything else, I'm excited to see me a year from now, ten years from now, and twenty years from now to see how everything works out. Will I ever have my dream job? Will I EVER figure out why I'm not getting pregnant month after month? Where will I end up, and what will I be doing?

Stay tuned, folks. Things are about to get exciting.