I've been going nonstop for the last week. We drove to and from Yellowstone on the motorcycle last weekend for Josh's birthday (which was AMAZING), had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, drove to Provo on Tuesday night, and then came back home in the wee hours of the morning today. I'm exhausted. So this morning I did something that I haven't done in over a month, and I stayed in bed until the afternoon. I slept in, played on Facebook, laughed at funny pins on Pinterest, and just chilled in bed by myself. I feel slightly guilty at my laziness, but mostly I'm just so so grateful that I get these mental health days once in a while. Especially when I've been going nonstop, sometimes I just need a few hours of wasting my time, doing nothing, all by myself.
Lately, I've been feeling like my life is a giant doctor's appointment. I've been going to weekly appointments for the past three weeks, all for different things, but all within the realm of my fertility, and it's been kind of exhausting. When I'm not at the appointments, I spend a lot of time talking about them and thinking/worrying about them. I actually have two appointments for this week, but then I have a two week break. I'm looking forward to that.
I feel guilty that I'm so grumpy about this whole process right now. I really do want a baby. I really do feel like this is something I want to be doing with my life. But it stinks driving an hour (one way) for an appointment with a specialist. And I'm learning that I'm definitely not a pro at giving blood for tests. Honestly, I can't make my body be better at it. But every time the nurse is so confident that she/he's found a great vein, my blood is slow and clots too quickly. The nurse ends up having to wiggle the needle around, which does little in the way of my giving blood but causes awesome looking hematoma afterwards. I'm kind of worried I'm starting to look like a junkie with my itchy little scabs and bruising on the inside of my forearm. All I can say is that I hope my future kids know how much I want them, because this testing phase isn't totally my favorite.
That all having been said, we found out about Josh's testosterone levels earlier this week, and they're lower than normal. Josh is stoked about it. Of course. His indefinite optimism is mildly irritating, but I guess it's a fair trade off. I get thyroid medication that (hopefully) gives me more energy, and Josh gets testosterone boosters that make him manlier. Oi. If you've ever met my Joshua, you know that he is all boy. I am apprehensive about basically prescribed steroids that will increase my honey's manliness. He's already the essence of all that is man. We'll see how it goes though. It'll probably be great. Maybe with his meds and my meds, we will get this whole baby thing going. Maybe. A girl can hope.
Tomorrow, my appointment is for a sonohysterogram. My doctor told me that I need to come to my appointment with a full bladder, but that's about it. I know we're going to put some saline into my uterus and then look at it with an ultrasound to make sure all of my insides are right. That's not really so different from my last ultrasound. I don't even know why I'm so nervous about it. Maybe because I don't really know what to expect? Maybe I just get anxious about doctor's appointments? But probably I'm most nervous because I don't want them to find anything. I'm nervous because my honey won't be at this appointment. And I'm nervous that I still won't get pregnant. Sometimes I just wish this whole pregnancy thing would be a little easier to accomplish.
Anyway, that's what's going on tomorrow. I'm sure I'll have more to write soon!
Lately, I've been feeling like my life is a giant doctor's appointment. I've been going to weekly appointments for the past three weeks, all for different things, but all within the realm of my fertility, and it's been kind of exhausting. When I'm not at the appointments, I spend a lot of time talking about them and thinking/worrying about them. I actually have two appointments for this week, but then I have a two week break. I'm looking forward to that.
I feel guilty that I'm so grumpy about this whole process right now. I really do want a baby. I really do feel like this is something I want to be doing with my life. But it stinks driving an hour (one way) for an appointment with a specialist. And I'm learning that I'm definitely not a pro at giving blood for tests. Honestly, I can't make my body be better at it. But every time the nurse is so confident that she/he's found a great vein, my blood is slow and clots too quickly. The nurse ends up having to wiggle the needle around, which does little in the way of my giving blood but causes awesome looking hematoma afterwards. I'm kind of worried I'm starting to look like a junkie with my itchy little scabs and bruising on the inside of my forearm. All I can say is that I hope my future kids know how much I want them, because this testing phase isn't totally my favorite.
That all having been said, we found out about Josh's testosterone levels earlier this week, and they're lower than normal. Josh is stoked about it. Of course. His indefinite optimism is mildly irritating, but I guess it's a fair trade off. I get thyroid medication that (hopefully) gives me more energy, and Josh gets testosterone boosters that make him manlier. Oi. If you've ever met my Joshua, you know that he is all boy. I am apprehensive about basically prescribed steroids that will increase my honey's manliness. He's already the essence of all that is man. We'll see how it goes though. It'll probably be great. Maybe with his meds and my meds, we will get this whole baby thing going. Maybe. A girl can hope.
Tomorrow, my appointment is for a sonohysterogram. My doctor told me that I need to come to my appointment with a full bladder, but that's about it. I know we're going to put some saline into my uterus and then look at it with an ultrasound to make sure all of my insides are right. That's not really so different from my last ultrasound. I don't even know why I'm so nervous about it. Maybe because I don't really know what to expect? Maybe I just get anxious about doctor's appointments? But probably I'm most nervous because I don't want them to find anything. I'm nervous because my honey won't be at this appointment. And I'm nervous that I still won't get pregnant. Sometimes I just wish this whole pregnancy thing would be a little easier to accomplish.
Anyway, that's what's going on tomorrow. I'm sure I'll have more to write soon!
1 comment:
Hoping everything goes well for you and that a baby is in your near future!
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