Growing a Successful Marriage

Weddings are beautiful traditions. I love the coming together of two people for one purpose. I love the lifetime of promises that are shared in a few simple moments together. Ever since I got married, I've cried at weddings because I think of how much I love my husband, how our wedding day was, and how much better our relationship has gotten over the years. When the say "the first year's the hardest" I don't think they always mean that the first year has to be hard. I think they (whoever they are anyway) mean that it keeps getting better.

It really blows my mind when I think about the fact that four years ago, I was a newlywed. Four years ago, I barely knew my husband at all. Maybe that's because we only dated for a short time before marriage, or maybe it's because when you live with someone for a few years, you learn a thing or two about them. Either way, it was just four short years ago that we got hitched and started our life together.

Our marriage has been a constant time of learning for both of us. We have had to set our pride aside on a number of occasions and bite our tongues many times to keep from saying hurtful things. We forgive on a daily basis, almost immediately, when we say and do hurtful things. We have compromised and adapted to be better for each other and to be better for ourselves. And that's what marriage is about. Because you're living with this other person, and you both need to learn how to be together.


Being married to my husband has felt like a constant battle at times. I sometimes refer to the Army as his "other wife" because she has taken him away so often. The deployment especially separated us so far physically that it could have been easy to slip away emotionally, too. While Josh is now working as a police officer full time, his schedule often takes him away for what seems like days at a time while I patiently wait for him to return. My jobs have also caused me to work many strange hours--sometimes placing us on completely opposite schedules for months at a time. And then there are the "others" who do everything they can to break us up. These "others" are women and men doing what they can to have us leave each other and abandon all our promises. They work around the clock to tempt us into indulgence with them. Sometimes I feel like these people must simply be evil because I can't think of any other explanation as to why someone would try to split up a marriage, a family, and a life all for the sake of personal gain. That's the opposite of what marriage is to me.

Through all of these struggles, I've learned something. When you've set up a firm enough foundation in your relationship, you have nothing to worry about. Does that mean that it's your fault for not doing enough if your spouse decides to cheat on you or leave you? Absolutely not. But think back to the beginning when you loved passionately enough to get married and plan a life together. Were there things you did then that you don't do now? Are there things you miss about each other that you are no longer getting? Because if the answer is yes, then those are things that can be fixed if you are willing to work together. And if you really want your relationship to last, then you will put in the work that is needed to make it better.

Marriage is a lot of work. I am constantly trying to make sure I'm doing the best job I can as a wife. And I know that (whether he likes it or not) my husband is also changing into a more considerate, conscientious person. I really think that's what it takes to make your marriage work: a mutual, constant, active care for your spouse's well-being. If you've got that part covered, you're set up for success.

What do you think? What's made your marriage work? Do you feel like active care is what makes a marriage successful? Let me know what you think!