What Does a Housewife Do?

So, I know I'm supposed to be blogging EVERY DAY in May, but I just had the best weekend and was way too busy to be writing. I did have a great time camping, spending time with my in-laws, and off-roading in our truck. I even had the opportunity to go to my sister-in-law's soccer game. Not to mention the wonderful, smokey smell of campfire that still lingers in my hair. And I have a new niece, born on Cinco de Mayo! I don't know many of her stats yet, just that the labor was complicated by toxemia and that mom and baby are resting but doing fine. So, hopefully no one is too bummed that I missed a couple of days. I know I'm not.

Anyway, back to today. Today's writing prompt is: "If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?"

Hm. That's complicated. What I do really depends on the day. It depends on who needs me and my husband's schedule and many other variables. Let's sum it up and generalize it a bit.

I write. There's nothing quite like sitting down with an inspired idea and looking back up at the clock three hours later, not realizing how much time has passed. Writing brings me pure fulfillment. Whether for WritersDomain, my blog, or my book, I write. I try to write every day, but sometimes I don't have enough time. As long as I get something else done with my day, I don't feel like I need to write in order to be productive. But I enjoy writing. It's one of my favorite things to do.

I exercise. I have been totally slacking on this lately, but I love when I am on track with my fitness. I enjoy riding my bicycle, swimming, walking, running, dancing, Insanity, tennis, and other random workouts. When I commit to working out every day, I see results. I'm currently 20-30 pounds heavier than I want to be, and I'm in the process of changing that. I just have to remember to take it one day at a time so I don't get discouraged.

I clean. I am definitely the one in my house who cares about where the dirty clothes are put. I am the one who notices the stink in the bathroom or is physically bothered when the sheets on the bed haven't been changed. I make sure the vacuuming is done and that our pup's toys are picked up. I am (90% of the time) the one who rinses the dishes, loads the dishwasher, runs it, and puts all of the dishes away. Laundry may be my nemesis, but not having clean clothes is even worse. Josh has a busy schedule and is primarily the one earning the bacon in our home. So I make sure to help out where I can at home.

I cook. I know, I know. I'm listing stereotypical housewife duties. But where Josh is at work and I am at home, it makes sense for me to do a lot of the housework. It's only been in the past five months that I have learned how to cook anything, but I've quickly realized that it's easy, and it's something I'm not half bad at doing. I want to learn how to prepare more meals and healthier foods, but I'm not doing too shabby. Pinterest has helped me out a ton.

I serve. I have a couple of callings in my church, and I work to fulfill them each week. I am a visiting teacher, so it's my responsibility to reach out to certain ladies in my ward and visit with them each month. I like to just visit better than share a spiritual message, especially when I'm first getting to know people, but that can be part of it too. I also prepare the programs each week for the following Sunday. I like to have this done as early in the week as possible, but I have to wait until I have all of the information. There have been many Sunday mornings where I am late arriving to church because the information wasn't given to me until the wee hours of Sunday morning. But, oh well. I just do what I can and hope people can understand that.

I support. Maybe it's just a normal wifely duty, but I spend a lot of time listening to my husband talk about work. Whether he's venting about specific calls or he's sorting out various details within his department, I hear it all. I hear about the good Samaritans and the bad guys who make our neighborhoods less safe. I know which houses I am supposed to avoid, and I know which families to keep my eye on. I know about the poverty in the elderly population of our community, and I know about all of the little, unseen things that the police officers do to help the needy. I listen and I remember, just in case.

I visit. Whether on the phone or in person, I like to stay connected to my family and friends. I try to visit my sister at least a few times a month, and I play Bunco with my girlfriends once a month. Depending on what's going on at the time, however, I visit my friends and family even more often. We try to get together for birthdays and accomplishments, and we try to do fun things together too. When Josh has drill, I usually go on a binge and hang out with friends and family for the whole weekend. :)

I network. I'm trying to build up my blog so that it's a lucrative business and an additional income. A cop's salary is surprisingly terrible, and you'd be surprised how easy it is to spend an entire paycheck before it's even in your bank account. When Josh accepted this job, we had no idea that 1/3 of his entire paycheck would disappear every month between taxes and insurance. It makes living off of the remainder incredibly hard. And the money I earn is so little that it doesn't make a dent in our expenses. If I weren't (perpetually) trying to get pregnant, I'd probably be donating plasma or selling my organs at this point. So I promote my blog on Facebook and Twitter. I follow other blogs (where I love the writing) and make sure I comment on their posts and let them know when their writing speaks to me. I feel like this is a good way to setup another income and invest in our future.

Hulu, Netflix, and Candy Crush. I am seriously addicted to all of these horribly wonderful things. I'm thinking of banning technology (at least the fun parts) until I am making money and losing weight. Self-control isn't exactly my strongest suit, so we will see. Hopefully it won't come to a total ban.

I try to get pregnant. You would be surprised by how many things I do in order to ensure that each month will be a success. I take my temperature with a basal thermometer every morning when I wake up. I keep track of EVERYTHING that happens downstairs so that when I go to the doctor, she'll be able to tell me why the good old fashioned way of getting pregnant isn't working for us. (PS- I have an appointment in two weeks and am way nervous and excited!) I try to stay positive, which is the hardest part. It's really difficult to watch entire pregnancies go by for the people you love and to still be sitting on the sidelines, waiting for your turn. It's difficult to be so happy for your family and friends but so sad that it isn't you. It's hard to know that there are so many people out there who don't want their babies or pregnancies, who aren't taking care of the ones they have, and to feel the total disappointment and hurt that God trusts so many other people with pregnancies and babies, but not you. I'm not going to lie--keeping the faith is hard sometimes.

Wow. I never really think of myself as super busy, but it kind of seems like I am. I don't consider any of these things my "jobs" either. I really love my life, and I feel like adding a baby to the mix would be perfect. I don't know when that will happen, but someway, somehow it will. Anyway, that's what I do. I'm a busy bee some days and an unmotivated slob the next. My house is certainly not perfect, and I am never caught up on laundry. But my life's a chaotic kind of perfect, and I love living it.

Uncomfortable Truths

I'm so serious about blogging every day this month. So serious that I'm going to get ahead so that camping this weekend won't hinder my progress. I really don't want my motivation in writing to go away. Hopefully it won't. Anyway, today I'm going to talk about things that make me uncomfortable. Ready to be uncomfortable with me? I hope so!

Confrontation. Seriously. If I could go for the rest of my life without having to address any issues ever I totally would. I don't like to advocate for myself (at least, in person). Strangely, I don't mind advocating for others. I hate telling people they have done something wrong. My least favorite part of teaching was having to address issues with the kids. Seriously. I don't mind being bossy, but I hate confronting people.

Doing things alone. I think I have a little bit of an anxiety disorder. I would rather stay in my house for three days at a time than go out on my own, sometimes. At other times, it doesn't really bother me to go make my own adventures. It totally depends on my attitude and what I'm trying to do. No matter the situation, though, I would just usually rather go with a friend.

Meeting new people. I don't know what it is about meeting new people, but it's super hard for me. If I'm in a comfortable place and I'm only meeting one or two new people at a time, I'm totally fine. I prefer smaller groups when getting to know each other so that I can actually feel like I know and remember them. But it takes a LOT for me to go out by myself and be with a big group of strangers. Relief Society at church is still hard for me because I don't know many of the other ladies yet. Exercise groups are nearly impossible. And don't get me started on social events. It's just really hard for me.

Ignorant, self-righteous people. This is probably fairly common, but it makes me super uncomfortable to be around over-confident, ignorant, opinionated people. I'm kind of jealous of their blind confidence, but I'm not jealous of their lack of knowledge. This is especially true in politics. I completely believe in being educated on issues and sharing knowledge, but when the pieces being shared are obviously one-sided and unfair, what's the point in reading such an unbalanced story? If reporters only reported facts, I would be a much happier, better educated person.

Hm, are you seeing a theme here? Because I sure am! I am super uncomfortable in a variety of social situations. There are probably many other things that make me uncomfortable, but this post is plenty long and boring enough as it is. Let's just settle for the fact that there are many things that make me totally uncomfortable, but that's okay. Because life doesn't happen where you're comfortable. And that's the truth.

How to Snag Mr. Right

Today for my May Challenge over at Story of My Life I'm going to teach you how to do something I'm good at. And, quite frankly, I think I'm pretty decent at finding a good husband. That's right! Today I'm going to let you in on the secret of how to find and marry Mr. Right. Single ladies everywhere, listen up! This post is for you.

1. Invest in yourself. True story. Graduate high school. Go to college. Figure out your spiritual beliefs. Get a gym membership. Develop interests and hobbies. Whether you love scrap booking, rock climbing, salsa dancing, or watching sci fi movies, let yourself do it and love it. And don't just have one hobby--have several that you genuinely enjoy. Learn about your hobbies. Commit to them. That way, when you go out and have a hard time striking up a conversation, you can impress your date with your computer hacking abilities or interesting facts about J. R. R. Tolkien. You can discuss that biology course you took two semesters ago or question those Nietzsche readings you had last week. Remember that Eleanor Roosevelt said: "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." Keep this in mind so that you can find your intellectual equal in a man. And keep that gym membership for when you need to work off your frustrations with males in the dating world.

2. Travel. I could go on for days about how awesome traveling is for every aspect of your life, but let's keep this relationship-based. When you travel, you develop a bigger sense of "normal." You understand that the Chinese food in America is completely different from the Chinese food in China. You know that racism can happen to any ethnicity and that there are ten times as many great people in the world as there are not-so-great people. You realize what's most important is the experience and that all you need for a month (or more) can totally fit into a suitcase. Travel gives you an open mind, a broader sense of culture, and a greater acceptance of new things. This can be intimidating to some guys, but you don't want to attract those ones anyway. Whether you keep your journeys stateside or you venture off into some unknown territory, make sure you travel.

3. Make a 5 year plan (that doesn't involve him). This might sound mean, but even if you're already dating someone, you should have a backup plan (that doesn't involve another guy). Your plan should be completely independent of your dating life. Whether you want to land your dream job, buy a house, or just survive college, you should have a plan for your future. Not only do guys love confident women who know what they want, but your future self will thank you for having a plan if Prince Charming doesn't show up during that time. Stock up your bank account for your big trip. Build up your credit for a new car. Get out of debt. Whatever you do, have a plan for your future.

4. Be social. Whether it's with a Bunco group, the girls from your book club, or a group of co-eds from your building, get out. Whether you're camping for the weekend, out to lunch with the ladies, or playing volleyball outside of your apartment building, go do it. You will have great experiences making friends and fun stories to tell while on your next date. You may meet your dreamboat while out, or you might just have a great time, but either way it's win-win. Don't neglect these friends who you meet during this time. These friends may last the rest of your life, so invest in them!

5. Go out with that guy. You know. The obnoxious guy from the back of the classroom who kind of makes you crazy. The one from your apartment building whom you seriously clash with. When he finally asks you out on the last day that he possibly can, say yes. You might be completely surprised by how sweet he is in a different setting. Your heart may melt at the way he interacts with your parents. If he makes you feel bad in any way, cut him loose. But at least give him a shot. He may be the one. And, in my opinion, any guy with the cajones to ask deserves a chance.

Remember, it's way easier to just marry ANY guy than to marry the RIGHT guy. It's easier to find a guy to marry than it is to find the man who will still make you see fireworks ten years later. Be patient. You want to marry a man who brings out your best self and who loves you just as you are. Never settle for someone who demeans you or makes you feel bad about yourself. Don't go with the loser who cheats on you or the guy who thinks it's funny to hurt you or overpower you. If NOBODY settled for those guys, maybe they would get the point that their behaviors are NEVER acceptable for ANYONE. You are an interesting, intelligent person who deserves a man who makes her feel like a princess. It's entirely possible that these suggestions won't make your one true love appear out of nowhere, but at least you'll have fun in the meantime. Remember that's what life's about.

Summing Up My Life in 250 Words

I decided to participate in a writing challenge to blog every day in May! I can already tell that this is going to be exciting. I'm going to be disclosing a lot more than I ever have on this blog before, and you're going to get to know me a whole lot better. And, hopefully, my writing will continue to improve. I mean, that never hurts, right? If you're interested in participating in this challenge, you can head over here and find the writing prompts and all of the information.

Now, prepare to hear the story of my life in 250 words. It's a little choppy because I was trying to keep the word count low, but I'm sure you'll get the gist of it. It's kind of crazy how much you have to cut when sticking to a word count!

I was raised to know who I am and what I believe, but somewhere along the way I got lost. My childhood was mostly happy, but it was also unstable and scary at times. I had to make hard decisions at a young age. I got lost in books. At some point, I turned into a teenager. I snapped. Rebelled. Questioned everything. But no one had any answers, so I stopped asking.

I moved to Utah and quit partying, but on a visit back to Wisconsin, I got caught in a bad situation. My rape shaped my life in more ways that I'll ever know.

After the rape, I threw myself into working and finishing high school. I didn't tell many people. I was ashamed. I did lots of stupid things to cope, but nothing could change the past.I dated and fell in love but was called a liar. I was judged for how I'd handled myself as a kid. Afterwards, when I met Josh, I'd given up. He helped me remember who I am. We went back to church together, and I just graduated college with my BA in English Lit.

Hawaii is my favorite place in the world. I survived Josh's deployment and came to terms with who I am while there.

I want a family more than anything. A baby would bring so much more joy into my home than I can create, myself.

My life's not always easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Aaaand THE END! That was rough! Stick with me to learn more about all kinds of stuff during this May challenge! The other prompts look like a lot of fun!

(I'm the one on the far left. I was probably about 13 or 14 here.)

The Peace of Letting Go

 

It's kind of funny how you can forget so many things in life, but once you start reminiscing, emotions can come back with such clarity that it can make you doubt that you ever truly forgot them.

That's kind of what's been happening with me lately. I've had so many strong, negative emotions eating at me for so long that I had almost forgotten they were there. Talking about old memories definitely brings up those old emotions fast! The other night, I was in a bad place, trying to explain to my Joshua that he doesn't know how it feels to be the black sheep, or how it feels to never measure up to his siblings just because of which parent he acts more like or because of the birth order of his family. I tried to explain the years of frustration and pain that I've experienced because I lived a childhood of regret. But he gets it, just like he always gets me. We had a moment (or several), and he was able to reach out to me in a way that I never even realized I needed.

The funny thing is, all this time, I've thought I was angry. And maybe I was, to some extent. But, in reality, I was hurt more than anything else. Hurt by being left. Hurt by perceived preferential treatment of my siblings. Hurt by unkind words. Hurt by being ignored and criticized and forgotten. I realized that the hurt was really what has caused me to build these sarcastic, angry walls. I was afraid of being vulnerable and being hurt again. I was afraid to let anyone hurt me.

This has been true in so many aspects of my life. It probably explains at least part of why I'm such a crappy friend. A lazy lover. A distant daughter. If I don't put myself on the line, then nobody's actions can hurt me, right? But, in the process, I've internalized those feelings of anger and hurt and kept them with me for years and years. Unknowingly, I've allowed those negative feelings to shape the decisions I've made and the reactions I've had. And I've felt so out of control because I haven't been the one calling the shots; I've been letting those negative emotions take over. And a few days ago, I decided to do a funny thing: I let them go.

The point of life isn't to go around holding grudges. My purpose doesn't revolve around regret and hurt. One day, we will all be judged. And when that day comes, I really don't want to judged by the jerk (me) judging me the way I've done it so many times to others. I want to be judged as the girl who overcame struggles and held out her hand to help others. I want to be remembered as the girl who defended and befriended the nerdy kid on the football team because the other football players were rude to him. I want to be remembered as the girl who "dated" a boy for about five minutes in eighth grade because he felt unpopular and thought he would never get a girlfriend because of his love of math and science. I want to be judged as the girl who holds the door open for moms with strollers and lets cars merge in front of her on the interstate and never gives up on her sister.

I'm done being angry and hurt. I'm done complaining and being critical. At least, I'm trying. And you know what? Letting go feels pretty good! In the past few days, I've slept better, my body feels lighter (somehow), and I feel so much more at peace with myself than I have in a long time. I know that this will be a struggle at times, and I know that I can't keep away those feelings forever, but the past is totally over, and why should I be punishing my loved ones for doing what they thought was best at the time? More so, why should I be punishing myself and depriving myself of the peace and happiness that I deserve just as much as anyone else? Is this what we call "growing up?" Is this what it feels like? Because I think I kind of like it.

Embracing Today

Today is beautiful.

Today is new, fresh, filled with puppy dog kisses and a morning spent lying in bed while my love sleeps soundly, his breaths steady and rhythmic. Today is staring at me with bright eyes, asking me if I'm up yet. Today is ready for me.

Today holds chores, begging to be done, reminding me that I was able to spend a whole weekend in blissful denial of their existence. Today is dishes and laundry. Today is vacuuming and scrubbing and remembering how lucky I am to live this life, full of freedom and love, full of potential and opportunity. Today reminds me that I am empowered to do whatever is my heart's desire. I may exercise today. I may earn money today. I may relax today.

How beautiful is this moment, right now!

Easter Thoughts

Yesterday, I had a really great moment with my mother-in-law. It was around midnight, and we were watching the Bible series that's been on the History Channel lately. I'd missed most of the episode up until that point, but Christ was being crucified, so I sat down next to my teary-eyed MIL to watch. If you're familiar with the Bible or the story of the crucifixion, I'm sure you already know how it goes. But, in case you aren't familiar, Christ was dragged through the streets and ridiculed and mocked. He was given a crown of thorns and nailed to a cross, left for dead. And during His moments on the cross--during this time of horrific human brutality, He says: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). Of course, my MIL wasn't alone in her tears at this point. Only moments after, I had an epiphany when Jesus said His famous words: "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" I was suddenly struck by how alone Christ felt during those moments--how deserted He felt. He felt completely alone in His sorrows.

Every month, in my own struggles, I feel alone too. Every month that I don't get pregnant, I wonder if I've been forgotten. Every month, I wonder why it's not my month. I have faith that I will get pregnant one day, but it's the not knowing that kills me every month. I feel completely alone--completely forgotten--when it doesn't happen.

That's my personal struggle right now. The thing is, I know that there are others who suffer from the same heartache every month. There are other couples out there who wonder if they've been forgotten. The truth is, we all feel like that sometimes. We all have our own individual struggles, and it can be very difficult, sometimes, to remember that we are not alone. But I think that it's imperative that we remember that there is someone who understands our struggles. There is another person who has felt our pain. We are not alone. Whatever you're going through, He's with you. He understands. And He knows what it's like to feel forgotten and alone. He understands the pain and sorrows that we go through. He gets it.

I am so grateful for Christ's sacrifice. I don't know what I would do if I felt completely alone in my struggles. I can't imagine life without His presence. 

That's really I want to say today. Happy Easter (yesterday).