Surprise Doctor's Appointment: Already Finding Answers

Today was a crazy day. I thought that Josh had a doctor's appointment this morning to figure out if his swimmers were swimming straight, so we were up and out the door by 8:00 AM (which is a pretty big deal when you're not used to getting up until around 9). Even though the appointment was supposed to be brief and just for Josh, I made sure I went with him for support. When I showed up, we checked in and sat in the waiting room. We were at a reproductive health clinic, and the news playing on the television was of a baby who had survived being flushed down the toilet in China... I definitely felt like they should have had some other news on, just because I felt so much anger and sadness over the story. (I mean, come on! If you don't want your perfectly healthy baby, just give him to me, how about?!) Anyway, we were called back quickly, and I was glad to get away from that sad story.

Then came the funny part. I learned that this appointment was actually for me. I thought we were just meeting for a quick appointment for Josh, and I didn't even have time to get nervous or anything. Josh and I answered lots of health questions, and I really liked the nurse who helped us. She was young and very friendly, and I felt comfortable with her right away. When the doctor arrived, we answered some more questions and found out that today was the perfect day of my cycle to have an ultrasound and see if I had any cysts. That was actually really exciting for me. I've never had an ultrasound before, and I was hoping that a glance at my insides would give me some answers and hope.

It's funny--even though I knew with complete certainty that I was not pregnant, I still hoped to see a little something swimming around in my uterus. Sadly (but obviously), that wasn't the case. We were able to see that my uterus is retroflexed (which I already knew from previous pap smears) and that I have a uterus and two ovaries. We looked at my ovaries to see how big they were and were able to count lots of healthy-looking eggs in both of them. That was seriously the coolest thing ever. I have been failing to get pregnant for such a long time (about 26 months) that it was good to see and know that I do have healthy body parts that are capable of working together to build my family. It gave me so much hope, just seeing my eggs and thinking that one day one of those little things is going to be my baby. I almost cried, but then I felt dumb and didn't. I mean, I'm not even pregnant. I felt like it would be silly to cry about seeing the earliest photos of my zygotes that may, one day, turn into my children. It's just .... weird.

After my emotional ultrasound, I got dressed again, and the doctor gave me some interesting news. Apparently one of my tests from last week was abnormal. My doctor from last week had promised she'd call and tell me herself if any of my blood tests weren't normal, but she hadn't. So I found out today instead. That kind of threw me for a loop. Apparently my thyroid levels were abnormal. The doctor explained that it's an autoimmune disorder and that my body is attacking my thyroid, causing it to be in the early stages of shutting down. I won't lie--I was a little freaked out about that, but suddenly it all made sense: the endless exhaustion, the ongoing depression, the weight gain, and maybe the infertility? Suddenly, instead of feeling bummed out about my failing thyroid, I felt empowered and validated that there was proof of why I've been feeling crappy for such a long time. There was a physical reason that we could pinpoint explaining why I feel the way I do. That was kind of awesome.

After the appointment, I made another appointment for next week to have a sonohysterogram, to check my fallopian tubes and make sure my eggs are getting from point A to point B. I'm a little nervous about that, but mostly because Josh won't be able to come to that one with me. We also scheduled a time for Josh to really go in and get a reading on his sperm count. The hospital we go to is actually funding a study right now, so his testing will be totally free. Josh is hoping that we'll find his testosterone levels are low so that he'll be able to go on a prescribed hormone stimulator. He had blood tests today to figure that out, so we should know soon if that's a factor.

Anyway, sorry if this is a boring post. I feel like today was really exciting because we are finally getting some answers. I'm starting on a high dosage of Levothyroxine Sodium tomorrow morning, and I should start feeling much better in a few weeks. I'm really hoping that adjusting my hormone levels will get me pregnant quickly, but even if I just stop feeling exhausted and depressed, that would be a great start for me. This was only my second doctor's appointment for fertility, and I'm already feeling more peace of mind than I've felt in the last two years. We are finally doing something about our infertility, and it feels so so good.

The Quest for Answers Begins!

After two years of trying to get pregnant, Joshua and I finally went to our first doctor's appointment today to figure out what's going on with us. (**Remember, we decided to wait that long because we didn't have health insurance for the last year. If you're trying to get pregnant and it's been over ONE year, it's usually recommended to visit the doctor at that point.)

Trying to get pregnant for two years is a LONG time, and it's definitely been a struggle for us to keep a positive attitude. There were many months when I felt like giving up, and have been days when I haven't felt like I could keep re-living the disappointment, but I know that when we finally do have our own family, it will be worth all of the stress and tears.

Anyway, I'm sure that's not the interesting part. Let's talk about the appointment! By the time I got to the clinic, I was a nervous wreck. I wasn't totally sure what to expect, and I was worried about what the doctor would say. I couldn't eat anything all morning, and Josh (sweetly) bought me a Big Gulp Dr. Pepper for the ride. Of course, I couldn't drink it with how nervous I was. I knew that if I drank caffeine I would just freak out with nervous energy and have to pee every five minutes of the appointment (caffeine ALWAYS does that to me!), so I just listened while Josh talked about his busy day on shift yesterday and all of the wild stuff that had happened. I'd already stayed up late into the night listening to these stories, but sometimes when you're married to a police officer, it's important to listen to their stories more than once. I tried to stay focused on what Josh was saying, but I couldn't keep my anxiety level down. When we finally got to the clinic, I was so glad I had my husband there because I wasn't sure where to go or what to do. He helped me find the main desk and check in and everything, and then we sat down in the waiting area. We'd showed up early, so we had to wait about twenty minutes before the nurse called "Brian" back... Of course, that's not my name, but I was the girl she was looking for.

My temperature was high, my weight was higher, and we made it into the exam room. I warned the nurse that I probably had high blood pressure because of my anxiety, but when she took it we found out that it was still nice and low. I was relieved. The nurse went through my medical history with me, and then a resident came in to help me before the doctor. The resident was very nice, and I tried to give her as thorough of information as I had. When the doctor finally came in, relief flushed over me. She was young, personable, and really listened to what we had to say. She sent me to the lab for a few tests and referred Josh to a doctor who specializes in male fertility (so we can get his swimmers tested too). She advised me to use Clearblue ovulation tests (she said those ones, specifically) for the next few months so that we can be sure I'm ovulating, and she told us we need to be doing the dirty deed more often! I loved my doctor! She made me feel validated and comforted and empowered.

I know it took me a long time to make this appointment, but I am so glad I did! Ladies, if you're struggling with fertility, go get yourself a doctor's appointment! I didn't get any real answers today, but just knowing that I'm finally DOING something about my situation makes me feel so much better than sitting around and waiting for pregnancy to just happen to me. I have been depressed about this situation for too long, and just having a doctor listen to my concerns and validate my opinions made me feel a million times better.

I'll find out the results of the blood work in a few days. I may not have answers right now, but I'm on my way to finding them. However this whole family thing ends up working out, I am so glad that I have so many wonderful friends and family members supporting me. Your texts, messages, comments, and calls helped me feel so much less alone going into this today. I appreciate all of you so much. My sweet husband was great today too! He distracted me, loved me, and reminded me why we're doing this. I don't know how I would ever be this strong without him. He's just really great!

Sorry I don't have more answers now, but we are one step closer to building our family. Wish us luck on the next leg of this journey!

I Dare You

I had a really cool experience at church on Sunday. It was such a brief, sweet moment, but it's stuck with me since, and I feel like I need to share it.

I'm LDS (Mormon), and our church meetings are split up into three, hour(ish) long segments. After the second block of church, I was walking to the chapel, behind my slow, 80(ish)-year-old visiting teacher, and I saw something that made me so happy.  A random little boy walked up to her and said, "You look really beautiful today!" I didn't get to see my visiting teacher's facial expression, but she gave that little boy's shoulders a squeeze and walked to the chapel with a bounce in her step that I hadn't noticed before. All because of a sweet little boy.

I don't completely understand why that simple act made me tear up, or why I'm tearing up right now writing it. I don't know why, but when I see children do such sweet, simple things, it really touches my heart. I felt the spirit more in that moment than at any other time on Sunday, or since. Seeing that Christ-like selfless love has been the best part of my week, and that little boy didn't even know I was watching.

I know there are other reasons why it's good to go to church (whatever church you attend), but sometimes I feel like it's what happens in the hallways that's more important than the lessons in the classrooms. Josh was working on Sunday and couldn't come to church with me, so I went and sat with that same sweet lady and her veteran husband and felt so much love for them. Kindness does funny things to people, but I think that, more than anything, it's contagious. Let's try to spread it this week. Let's hope everyone catches it.

Call your estranged relative. Forgive your parents. Try to have patience with your children or co-workers or fellow drivers on your daily commute. Do it willingly, with a smile and pure intentions. It'll make you feel so much better than screaming or harboring resentment or stewing it over. And that person you've forgiven/called/been patient with may not appreciate the full implications of what you're doing, but someone else might be watching, who may be touched by your actions anyway. Go make someone's week. I dare you.

Crossing Our Fingers, Crossing Our Toes

I have a big doctor's appointment on Wednesday, and I'm kind of freaking out.

Am I going to find out that I'm infertile?

Is my husband going to discover that he isn't producing enough swimmers?

Are we getting ourselves into years of expensive medical procedures?

What if the doctors can't find any problems and we're stuck back at square one? (That's my biggest fear right now, because that does happen.) Honestly, the lack of closure is what scares me the most right now. I can live with anything else... but I can't live without answers. I need to feel empowered about my reproductive health again.

I'm nervous about my relationship with my doctor. I haven't had a regular doctor in years, and the one I had as a child/teenager wasn't the greatest. I worry that I won't have an easy relationship with the doctor and that she and I won't be on the same page with my reproductive health and needs. I'm not super worried about this at the moment, but it is lingering at the back of my mind.

If we are infertile, I've always been supportive of adoptions. I almost adopted my niece a few years ago, and I would do it again in a heartbeat (for any child--not just my niece). If I find out that my husband and I won't be able to biologically parent children together, I'll be disappointed, but I will be glad to have closure. Unless you've been in my boat, it's impossible to know what kind of a stressor fertility problems can be. Closure is what I'm looking to get more than anything else right now. I mean, it'd be cool to get a baby too, but I'm open to the fact that my family may come together in a different way than I could have ever imagined.

I really hope that I'm going to find answers soon. I know that I'm only 24 and I'm young, but I've waited my entire life to be a mom, and I don't want to wait any longer than I have to.

Anyway, that's what's on my mind right now. I'm really excited for the closure that I hope this doctor's appointment will bring, and I hope that my fertility questions are answered quickly! I guess I will let the world know how Wednesday goes! And who knows? Maybe the doctor will tell me I'm already pregnant and just didn't know it (wouldn't that be great?)!

What I Miss

I have a confession to make: I was having a really difficult Mother's Day today. I had made plans to go hiking with my own mother a few days ago, and I seriously considered backing out so I could stay home and wallow in self-pity. Seriously, everything was going wrong earlier. My desk that I bought yesterday is still in its box, untouched, and I worry that I will never make the effort to put it together. Josh had to work (which I already knew, but I still didn't like). My shorts that fit me PERFECTLY last summer somehow shrunk during the winter and were too constricting when I put them on. I was trying to stay positive and receptive at church, but all I could really think of was all of the wonderful experiences I'm missing out on because I haven't been able to conceive a baby. Because SOMETHING hasn't been working between point A and point B, and we won't know what it is for at least another week and a half... So frustrating. Every topic at church was about mothers, which I totally understand, but I needed something else today. After church, when I got on Facebook, I had the opportunity to see that three of my friends had taken the opportunity today to announce that that are pregnant. (I swear, I really am SO happy for you guys. But I have to admit that I was feeling my face rubbed into the fact that you're ALL enjoying the exact same thing that I am dying to have right now.) Let's be honest, Mother's Day can be really difficult for those of us struggling to become mothers ourselves. Not just difficult. I lied. How about try depressing. Sad. Angry. Hurtful. Lonely. These were the thoughts going through my head today as I started my drive to meet up with my mom for our hike.

Thank goodness for loud music and a hot breeze blowing in through a car's open windows. Thank goodness for fast speed limits and cooperative traffic. Thank goodness for a full tank of gas and the smells of summer.

Our hike was fabulous. We trekked dry creek beds and let our hounds run free. We enjoyed sunshine and the heat of nearly summer as well as the cool shade provided by thousands of ancient trees. We talked and explored and sometimes lost ourselves in thought. We enjoyed a picnic lunch and then hiked some more. Lately, I've been feeling like just running away from everything. I've been so lost and I've felt so aimless that I've just wanted to take off. And my hike today totally took me back to being five years old, playing in the irrigation ditch in the woods on my parents' property. It reminded me of the long days I spent building dams, swinging from tree to tree, and playing in the glacial water, almost always alone.

You know what I really miss today? I miss feeling invincible. I miss being barefoot, running amok, and knowing exactly what I want out of life. I miss feeling like I could work hard enough and make anything happen that I wanted. I miss the feeling of complete control. I miss feeling empowered and important and directed. Because, these days, I really don't feel any of those things anymore. These days I just feel accomplished for leaving the house. These days I feel overwhelmed and frightened of what's to come. One thing I'm glad my younger self never knew is the fact that those feelings of control were a facade from the beginning. The older I grow, the more deeply I understand that. Is it the innocence I miss? Maybe. But mostly I miss thinking I ever knew anything at all. Because, in all honesty, the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. Some days it's a nasty business, growing up.

(My beautiful mama and me. Her eyes really are that gorgeous!)

Ten Words

 
The prompt for my post today is: "Sell yourself in ten words or less." As wordy as I can be, I think I can be concise enough to accomplish this. Here it goes!

1. Confident.
2. Intelligent.
3. Driven.
4. Funny.
5. Observant.
6. Empathetic.
7. Adventurous.
8. Loyal.
9. Stubborn.
10. Fierce.

That was kind of tough! If you could only use ten words to describe yourself, what would they be?

A Moment from My Thursday

Josh and I finally had the opportunity to meet our newest niece (Emersyn Fern) on Thursday. She may have been born three weeks early, but at only four days old, she is calm, happy, and perfect, and that's good because new mama needs to work on getting her blood pressure down.

We had a great chance to visit with Josh's sister and her husband and take a little peek at the life we're ready for. Only twelve more days until our own doctor's appointment to (hopefully) figure out what's up with our reproductive health. I'm so nervous but so excited to be one step closer to making my dream of being a mom a reality.

We took a bunch of pictures with Josh making silly faces, but this one was my favorite. Their hands are shaped the same. They have the same dimples on their knuckles. It was so neat to watch Josh fall in love with this little person instantly. I hate the idea that I may never have any babies of my own, but just in case, this little girl may be the closest thing Josh ever has to his own baby.

 

This moment is love. This moment is pure. This moment is full of happiness and perseverance and a little bit of heartbreak. This moment is life.

Owning My Fears

I'm trying something totally new today and writing this entire post from my phone. I really like my phone, but it's not a computer, so don't judge if the formatting is weird or I don't catch all of my spelling/grammar typos before I post. I'll try. :)

Today's prompt over at Story of My Life is to write about "The thing(s) you're most afraid of." I'm already getting nervous just thinking about things I'm afraid of, just because I don't like to think about them too much. I'm afraid of many things. That might be part of beig a woman, or maybe it's just part of being me.

Two years ago, if I'd been asked the same question, I would have easily answered that my biggest fear was that Josh would not come home to me from his deployment. So many things could have gone wrong. He could have died in combat or found his soulmate around the world from me and left me for her. He could have come home as someone different, someone unkind and broken by the horrors of war. He could have been maimed, physically or mentally. There were so many variables, but none that I had any control over. His homecoming was actually ideal, the way it happened and everything. I still have my whole husband, in one piece. There have been a few changes, like sometimes he has bad dreams, and he gets anxious around blood, but he's still my same sweet boy I sent off. But that was my fear two years ago.

My fear one year ago was that something was wrong with my body. I'd been suspicious that I hadn't gotten pregnant so far at that point in time, but we hadn't been actively trying, so I kept trying to write off the worries I'd had for a long time that my body wasn't going to let me carry a baby. Honestly, this is still one of my fears. Josh and I were talking about following our dreams the other night, and I finally verbalized how much it sucks that I have a dream that I can't realize. I mean, I know God is going to be the one who ultimately decides when I get pregnant, but I am starting to think that maybe I need to reassess my dreams in the meantime. We'll find out in a couple of weeks when we go to the doctor to check out my lady parts. But I think that going back to school (already?!) and getting my teaching license might be a smart plan for the meantime. Anyway, a year ago, now, this is still my fear.

My biggest fear, though, is not living my life to its fullest. It's dying full of regret. It's not pursuing my dreams. Seriously. It's having what-ifs at the end of my life. Because I feel like I'm not really living if I have regrets. It's not getting my degree or going to Hawaii or spending as much time with my loved ones as I can. It's not being grateful for what I have or being too shy to make new friends. It's saying no when I could say yes or giving up when I should try harder. Because today is all I have guaranteed, and this moment could be my last. I don't want to look back at my life and be disappointed. That's what I'm most afraid of in this world. 

The funny thing about fear is that if you use it, you can be motivated into doing amazing things. Who knows where my fears take me? Maybe I'll adopt an entire orphanage or write a best-seller. Maybe I'll finally get pregnant and have the family I've been dreaming of. Whatever the case, I'm still young, and the future is wide open in front of me, as long as I'm not to scared to own it.

What Does a Housewife Do?

So, I know I'm supposed to be blogging EVERY DAY in May, but I just had the best weekend and was way too busy to be writing. I did have a great time camping, spending time with my in-laws, and off-roading in our truck. I even had the opportunity to go to my sister-in-law's soccer game. Not to mention the wonderful, smokey smell of campfire that still lingers in my hair. And I have a new niece, born on Cinco de Mayo! I don't know many of her stats yet, just that the labor was complicated by toxemia and that mom and baby are resting but doing fine. So, hopefully no one is too bummed that I missed a couple of days. I know I'm not.

Anyway, back to today. Today's writing prompt is: "If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?"

Hm. That's complicated. What I do really depends on the day. It depends on who needs me and my husband's schedule and many other variables. Let's sum it up and generalize it a bit.

I write. There's nothing quite like sitting down with an inspired idea and looking back up at the clock three hours later, not realizing how much time has passed. Writing brings me pure fulfillment. Whether for WritersDomain, my blog, or my book, I write. I try to write every day, but sometimes I don't have enough time. As long as I get something else done with my day, I don't feel like I need to write in order to be productive. But I enjoy writing. It's one of my favorite things to do.

I exercise. I have been totally slacking on this lately, but I love when I am on track with my fitness. I enjoy riding my bicycle, swimming, walking, running, dancing, Insanity, tennis, and other random workouts. When I commit to working out every day, I see results. I'm currently 20-30 pounds heavier than I want to be, and I'm in the process of changing that. I just have to remember to take it one day at a time so I don't get discouraged.

I clean. I am definitely the one in my house who cares about where the dirty clothes are put. I am the one who notices the stink in the bathroom or is physically bothered when the sheets on the bed haven't been changed. I make sure the vacuuming is done and that our pup's toys are picked up. I am (90% of the time) the one who rinses the dishes, loads the dishwasher, runs it, and puts all of the dishes away. Laundry may be my nemesis, but not having clean clothes is even worse. Josh has a busy schedule and is primarily the one earning the bacon in our home. So I make sure to help out where I can at home.

I cook. I know, I know. I'm listing stereotypical housewife duties. But where Josh is at work and I am at home, it makes sense for me to do a lot of the housework. It's only been in the past five months that I have learned how to cook anything, but I've quickly realized that it's easy, and it's something I'm not half bad at doing. I want to learn how to prepare more meals and healthier foods, but I'm not doing too shabby. Pinterest has helped me out a ton.

I serve. I have a couple of callings in my church, and I work to fulfill them each week. I am a visiting teacher, so it's my responsibility to reach out to certain ladies in my ward and visit with them each month. I like to just visit better than share a spiritual message, especially when I'm first getting to know people, but that can be part of it too. I also prepare the programs each week for the following Sunday. I like to have this done as early in the week as possible, but I have to wait until I have all of the information. There have been many Sunday mornings where I am late arriving to church because the information wasn't given to me until the wee hours of Sunday morning. But, oh well. I just do what I can and hope people can understand that.

I support. Maybe it's just a normal wifely duty, but I spend a lot of time listening to my husband talk about work. Whether he's venting about specific calls or he's sorting out various details within his department, I hear it all. I hear about the good Samaritans and the bad guys who make our neighborhoods less safe. I know which houses I am supposed to avoid, and I know which families to keep my eye on. I know about the poverty in the elderly population of our community, and I know about all of the little, unseen things that the police officers do to help the needy. I listen and I remember, just in case.

I visit. Whether on the phone or in person, I like to stay connected to my family and friends. I try to visit my sister at least a few times a month, and I play Bunco with my girlfriends once a month. Depending on what's going on at the time, however, I visit my friends and family even more often. We try to get together for birthdays and accomplishments, and we try to do fun things together too. When Josh has drill, I usually go on a binge and hang out with friends and family for the whole weekend. :)

I network. I'm trying to build up my blog so that it's a lucrative business and an additional income. A cop's salary is surprisingly terrible, and you'd be surprised how easy it is to spend an entire paycheck before it's even in your bank account. When Josh accepted this job, we had no idea that 1/3 of his entire paycheck would disappear every month between taxes and insurance. It makes living off of the remainder incredibly hard. And the money I earn is so little that it doesn't make a dent in our expenses. If I weren't (perpetually) trying to get pregnant, I'd probably be donating plasma or selling my organs at this point. So I promote my blog on Facebook and Twitter. I follow other blogs (where I love the writing) and make sure I comment on their posts and let them know when their writing speaks to me. I feel like this is a good way to setup another income and invest in our future.

Hulu, Netflix, and Candy Crush. I am seriously addicted to all of these horribly wonderful things. I'm thinking of banning technology (at least the fun parts) until I am making money and losing weight. Self-control isn't exactly my strongest suit, so we will see. Hopefully it won't come to a total ban.

I try to get pregnant. You would be surprised by how many things I do in order to ensure that each month will be a success. I take my temperature with a basal thermometer every morning when I wake up. I keep track of EVERYTHING that happens downstairs so that when I go to the doctor, she'll be able to tell me why the good old fashioned way of getting pregnant isn't working for us. (PS- I have an appointment in two weeks and am way nervous and excited!) I try to stay positive, which is the hardest part. It's really difficult to watch entire pregnancies go by for the people you love and to still be sitting on the sidelines, waiting for your turn. It's difficult to be so happy for your family and friends but so sad that it isn't you. It's hard to know that there are so many people out there who don't want their babies or pregnancies, who aren't taking care of the ones they have, and to feel the total disappointment and hurt that God trusts so many other people with pregnancies and babies, but not you. I'm not going to lie--keeping the faith is hard sometimes.

Wow. I never really think of myself as super busy, but it kind of seems like I am. I don't consider any of these things my "jobs" either. I really love my life, and I feel like adding a baby to the mix would be perfect. I don't know when that will happen, but someway, somehow it will. Anyway, that's what I do. I'm a busy bee some days and an unmotivated slob the next. My house is certainly not perfect, and I am never caught up on laundry. But my life's a chaotic kind of perfect, and I love living it.

Uncomfortable Truths

I'm so serious about blogging every day this month. So serious that I'm going to get ahead so that camping this weekend won't hinder my progress. I really don't want my motivation in writing to go away. Hopefully it won't. Anyway, today I'm going to talk about things that make me uncomfortable. Ready to be uncomfortable with me? I hope so!

Confrontation. Seriously. If I could go for the rest of my life without having to address any issues ever I totally would. I don't like to advocate for myself (at least, in person). Strangely, I don't mind advocating for others. I hate telling people they have done something wrong. My least favorite part of teaching was having to address issues with the kids. Seriously. I don't mind being bossy, but I hate confronting people.

Doing things alone. I think I have a little bit of an anxiety disorder. I would rather stay in my house for three days at a time than go out on my own, sometimes. At other times, it doesn't really bother me to go make my own adventures. It totally depends on my attitude and what I'm trying to do. No matter the situation, though, I would just usually rather go with a friend.

Meeting new people. I don't know what it is about meeting new people, but it's super hard for me. If I'm in a comfortable place and I'm only meeting one or two new people at a time, I'm totally fine. I prefer smaller groups when getting to know each other so that I can actually feel like I know and remember them. But it takes a LOT for me to go out by myself and be with a big group of strangers. Relief Society at church is still hard for me because I don't know many of the other ladies yet. Exercise groups are nearly impossible. And don't get me started on social events. It's just really hard for me.

Ignorant, self-righteous people. This is probably fairly common, but it makes me super uncomfortable to be around over-confident, ignorant, opinionated people. I'm kind of jealous of their blind confidence, but I'm not jealous of their lack of knowledge. This is especially true in politics. I completely believe in being educated on issues and sharing knowledge, but when the pieces being shared are obviously one-sided and unfair, what's the point in reading such an unbalanced story? If reporters only reported facts, I would be a much happier, better educated person.

Hm, are you seeing a theme here? Because I sure am! I am super uncomfortable in a variety of social situations. There are probably many other things that make me uncomfortable, but this post is plenty long and boring enough as it is. Let's just settle for the fact that there are many things that make me totally uncomfortable, but that's okay. Because life doesn't happen where you're comfortable. And that's the truth.

How to Snag Mr. Right

Today for my May Challenge over at Story of My Life I'm going to teach you how to do something I'm good at. And, quite frankly, I think I'm pretty decent at finding a good husband. That's right! Today I'm going to let you in on the secret of how to find and marry Mr. Right. Single ladies everywhere, listen up! This post is for you.

1. Invest in yourself. True story. Graduate high school. Go to college. Figure out your spiritual beliefs. Get a gym membership. Develop interests and hobbies. Whether you love scrap booking, rock climbing, salsa dancing, or watching sci fi movies, let yourself do it and love it. And don't just have one hobby--have several that you genuinely enjoy. Learn about your hobbies. Commit to them. That way, when you go out and have a hard time striking up a conversation, you can impress your date with your computer hacking abilities or interesting facts about J. R. R. Tolkien. You can discuss that biology course you took two semesters ago or question those Nietzsche readings you had last week. Remember that Eleanor Roosevelt said: "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." Keep this in mind so that you can find your intellectual equal in a man. And keep that gym membership for when you need to work off your frustrations with males in the dating world.

2. Travel. I could go on for days about how awesome traveling is for every aspect of your life, but let's keep this relationship-based. When you travel, you develop a bigger sense of "normal." You understand that the Chinese food in America is completely different from the Chinese food in China. You know that racism can happen to any ethnicity and that there are ten times as many great people in the world as there are not-so-great people. You realize what's most important is the experience and that all you need for a month (or more) can totally fit into a suitcase. Travel gives you an open mind, a broader sense of culture, and a greater acceptance of new things. This can be intimidating to some guys, but you don't want to attract those ones anyway. Whether you keep your journeys stateside or you venture off into some unknown territory, make sure you travel.

3. Make a 5 year plan (that doesn't involve him). This might sound mean, but even if you're already dating someone, you should have a backup plan (that doesn't involve another guy). Your plan should be completely independent of your dating life. Whether you want to land your dream job, buy a house, or just survive college, you should have a plan for your future. Not only do guys love confident women who know what they want, but your future self will thank you for having a plan if Prince Charming doesn't show up during that time. Stock up your bank account for your big trip. Build up your credit for a new car. Get out of debt. Whatever you do, have a plan for your future.

4. Be social. Whether it's with a Bunco group, the girls from your book club, or a group of co-eds from your building, get out. Whether you're camping for the weekend, out to lunch with the ladies, or playing volleyball outside of your apartment building, go do it. You will have great experiences making friends and fun stories to tell while on your next date. You may meet your dreamboat while out, or you might just have a great time, but either way it's win-win. Don't neglect these friends who you meet during this time. These friends may last the rest of your life, so invest in them!

5. Go out with that guy. You know. The obnoxious guy from the back of the classroom who kind of makes you crazy. The one from your apartment building whom you seriously clash with. When he finally asks you out on the last day that he possibly can, say yes. You might be completely surprised by how sweet he is in a different setting. Your heart may melt at the way he interacts with your parents. If he makes you feel bad in any way, cut him loose. But at least give him a shot. He may be the one. And, in my opinion, any guy with the cajones to ask deserves a chance.

Remember, it's way easier to just marry ANY guy than to marry the RIGHT guy. It's easier to find a guy to marry than it is to find the man who will still make you see fireworks ten years later. Be patient. You want to marry a man who brings out your best self and who loves you just as you are. Never settle for someone who demeans you or makes you feel bad about yourself. Don't go with the loser who cheats on you or the guy who thinks it's funny to hurt you or overpower you. If NOBODY settled for those guys, maybe they would get the point that their behaviors are NEVER acceptable for ANYONE. You are an interesting, intelligent person who deserves a man who makes her feel like a princess. It's entirely possible that these suggestions won't make your one true love appear out of nowhere, but at least you'll have fun in the meantime. Remember that's what life's about.

Summing Up My Life in 250 Words

I decided to participate in a writing challenge to blog every day in May! I can already tell that this is going to be exciting. I'm going to be disclosing a lot more than I ever have on this blog before, and you're going to get to know me a whole lot better. And, hopefully, my writing will continue to improve. I mean, that never hurts, right? If you're interested in participating in this challenge, you can head over here and find the writing prompts and all of the information.

Now, prepare to hear the story of my life in 250 words. It's a little choppy because I was trying to keep the word count low, but I'm sure you'll get the gist of it. It's kind of crazy how much you have to cut when sticking to a word count!

I was raised to know who I am and what I believe, but somewhere along the way I got lost. My childhood was mostly happy, but it was also unstable and scary at times. I had to make hard decisions at a young age. I got lost in books. At some point, I turned into a teenager. I snapped. Rebelled. Questioned everything. But no one had any answers, so I stopped asking.

I moved to Utah and quit partying, but on a visit back to Wisconsin, I got caught in a bad situation. My rape shaped my life in more ways that I'll ever know.

After the rape, I threw myself into working and finishing high school. I didn't tell many people. I was ashamed. I did lots of stupid things to cope, but nothing could change the past.I dated and fell in love but was called a liar. I was judged for how I'd handled myself as a kid. Afterwards, when I met Josh, I'd given up. He helped me remember who I am. We went back to church together, and I just graduated college with my BA in English Lit.

Hawaii is my favorite place in the world. I survived Josh's deployment and came to terms with who I am while there.

I want a family more than anything. A baby would bring so much more joy into my home than I can create, myself.

My life's not always easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Aaaand THE END! That was rough! Stick with me to learn more about all kinds of stuff during this May challenge! The other prompts look like a lot of fun!

(I'm the one on the far left. I was probably about 13 or 14 here.)